I feel like I am in mental quicksand. slowly.. slooooowly sinking so slow that I can feel my mental legs and I can not move them and that makes me frantic struggling to be free while all the time I just keep sinking deeper. Which is my problem. If I would just let my mind be still would that free me from the quick sand? Sometimes doing nothing makes me feel like I am getting nowhere, but my thinking and agonizing over way to make life what I want it is making me feel more stuck then I have ever felt before. Is it really so easy to be content? To feel happy.
I look back at my couple of blogs from the last couple days I realize that I must look like a roller coaster of emotions.
I find it amusing that my positive entries are on my days off and my negative ones are on the days i work. I am not sure what that is telling me?
I am just feeling restless like I am in a race with time and with life and time is completely kicking my ass, like before I know it I will be 80 and wondering why the heck I didnt do the things I wanted. I think sometimes I define myself by who I want to be and yet I feel a fake and a phony because I can't get out of my mental slump to follow my dreams and be who I want to be.
Rant Rant Rant... I appologize to all who read.. haha but it feels so good to get it out and not just in my own brain.. to get it out.. and press... POST
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