Restless...

I never dreamt that life would be this way. This way meaning, unhappy and not sure where to go and what to do. I know that anyone reading this from my past would say "Its because your living in sin." or "You need to work on your relationship with God." I am sick of those answers. God knows me better then anyone, and almost noone knows me anymore. It was quite refreshing yesterday to run out of work and go meet my old roommate from bible school at a store called the settlement right off 95 even if it was only for 20 minutes. Mel probally knows my heart better then most people in my life. It was refreshing because I did something and Mel just started shaking her head and laughing that laugh that is so signature of mel and said "You are the same old Allison" I have changed so much in an outward sense and how I live my life but she can see through that and still see me. Everyone else around me really has no clue. I used to be a people person. Today at work I was kind of goofy and saying random things. Most people at first glance would take that as I am happy, but one perceptive person (which didnt make me happy) made the comment that i wasnt acting like myself. they said "You like to keep to yourself, you dont like people." They weren't saying it in a mean way just more bringing up the fact that I am an introvert. He then continued to ask if I was ok.
It is true though, no I am not ok, and I dont like people like I used to. but its not that I dont like them, its just not such a naive love of people. I find people interesting, its just now I feel like I can not relate to everyday people. I feel different. I find comfort in my own solitude now. I use to run from being alone and now I almost cherish it. I am still me though. Thank you mel for reminding me of that.